Real Life Homer....
Monday, February 08, 2010
Inner Monologue of a Guy at Work on Free Donut Day
February 8th, 2010 | 03:59 pm
Hmm, free donuts, huh? I wonder if that means that something bad is about to happen. Like, "Sorry, you're getting laid off. Have a donut." I wouldn't be surprised. Well, anyway, I might as well take one of these babies.
Let's see, there's the chocolate with sprinkles, and there's a chocolate without sprinkles. Well, why wouldn't you choose the one with sprinkles if you have the option? I can't think of a single good reason. This chocolate donut with sprinkles looks totally manhandled, though. Look at this: there's, like, a finger indent on the top of it. It's pretty obvious that somebody just poked their whole finger into this donut. I was probably Dennis in accounting. I f*ckin' hate that guy. Always laughing, and adding things. He knew I was going to narrow it down to the chocolate with sprinkles donut, and he deliberately sabotaged me. What a dickbag! Well, I got news for you, Dennis: I'm not gonna play your game. I'm not taking that donut. What are you gonna do now, Dennis?! What are you gonna do now?!!
Ooh, maybe I'll just have a jelly-filled donut instead. It's always so hard to tell what's in these, though. You have to touch the little leaky hole on the side and then taste your finger to see what it is. I wonder how many people have already done that this morning. Dennis probably has, that dickbag. What a dickbag that guy is. Seriously. Oh, shit, Stacey the receptionist just came into the break room. Holy balls, is she hot. Okay, she's coming over toward the donuts. Don't panic. Stay calm. Try not to sweat. Whichever donut she chooses, I'll choose the same kind. Then she'll think that we have some kind of bond. Yeah, then she'll start to notice me! Oh, that'll be great! In a few years, we'll be married, and have some kids, and live in a cool house and bone each other non-stop, and it'll all be because of this one, singular moment, at the donut table, when I decided to----
What the f*ck?! What the f*ck was that?!!! Did she just tear a piece off of a donut and leave the rest there? You can't do that! You can NOT f*cking do that!! If you choose a donut, you dedicate yourself to that donut, and you eat the whole damned thing! That's just common donut etiquette!! What kind of a donut whore are you, Stacey?!! Forget it! I will not spend the rest of my life with a breakfast pastry slut like that. I deserve better! I deserve....that bearclaw right there. Oh, the bearclaw. It's not as good as the other donuts, but it's always larger. Quantity over quality, that's the bearclaw's game. God dammit. I swear they just bring these free donuts in here to stress us out.
Sunday, February 07, 2010
Saturday, February 06, 2010
Wednesday, February 03, 2010
Monday, February 01, 2010
Saturday, January 30, 2010
Friday, January 29, 2010
Thursday, January 21, 2010
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
Monday, January 11, 2010
Sunday, January 10, 2010
Wednesday, January 06, 2010
Tuesday, January 05, 2010
Monday, January 04, 2010
Saturday, January 02, 2010
Monday, December 28, 2009
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
Grocery Store Security Cam Captures Serial Ass Sniffer...
 |
| Grocery Store Security Cam Captures Serial Ass Sniffer |
 |
| This store has a very invasive secret shopper program. |
Sunday, December 20, 2009
Saturday, December 19, 2009
Friday, December 18, 2009
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
Monday, December 14, 2009
Friday, December 11, 2009
Sexy Dance...
|
| Paraplegic Pedro Tries To Dance Sexy |
 |
| It's a woman trapped in half a man's body! |
Thursday, December 10, 2009
Wednesday, December 09, 2009
Monday, December 07, 2009
The dude that gets ran over stabbed the drivers wife...
|
| Stabbing Victims Husband Drives Over Stabbing Suspect Repeatedly |
 |
| A stabbing victim's husband took his Mercedes Benz and rolled it back and forth over the knifeman in pursuit of vengeance for his wife's having been stabbed. |
Friday, December 04, 2009
Thursday, December 03, 2009
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Posts
